Lucas’ recent sickness isn’t the first time I got praning (paranoid). It was in fact, the first time I really got praning again for the past 11 months. The first time was due to a series of praning-causing health-related conditions for Lucas: Meconium before birth, Reflux, and Neonatal Pneumonia.
I delivered Lucas on the first day of my 36th week through C-section. It was a very action-packed day for me because I wasn’t due yet, and I wasn’t expecting delivering my baby that way. While I was at the waiting room I tried my best to complete praying the rosary without a rosary in my hand, with annoying nurses around me and an unfamiliar doctor checking me. When my OB came she said that the baby’s heartbeat depresses whenever I have contractions and she suspected a coiled cord. So she recommended CS delivery. The delivery was successful and 11 hours after I gave birth, I woke up to receive good and bad news. Good news, the baby is healthy. Bad news, he already pooped in my womb before delivery. Praning moment #1. There’s a possibility of Meconium aspiration, when the baby inhales meconium, and Lucas had to undergo a series of tests to check he’s okay. I thought, my son, who’s barely a day old, already undergoing tests. Is he in pain? How can I comfort him? I tried my best to be able to walk that day so I can visit my son because they are not rooming him in with me. After several tests, the pediatrician told me everything is well except for some infection in his blood. They had to give him antibiotics for seven days. That means, I went home from the hospital, without my baby. Of course I was devastated!
When I brought him home, he was a tiny baby, barely 6 lbs.
Two days after giving birth, another reason to worry happened. While I was feeding him and about to help him burp, the Little Jedi vomited the milk he just drank. What terrified me was that the way he vomited was projectile. I knew something was wrong. Praning moment #2. So three days after being released in the hospital, we were back for a check up. The pediatrician said, it could be GERD that causes the reflux. Or his stomach is not yet completely developed that is why it cannot completely all the milk he is drinking. The doctor suggested to prop him on an elevated position. There would still be times when he would still vomit even when he’s on an elevated pillow. And I would find myself so stressed out and worried about him.
A few days after my Little Jedi turned 1 month, after his baptism, he started coughing. Again, my mommy instincts told me there’s something wrong with him. We brought him back to the hospital and the doctor said there’s no phlegm in his lungs yet and she gave him some meds. Five days later, his cough did not sound better. When the doctor checked him again, my mommy senses were right. He wasn’t well because he had neonatal pneumonia and had to be admitted to the hospital immediately. Praning moment #3. What made me more praning the pedia’s horror stories. When we brought Lucas to her because of GERD, she told me that there is a possibility for Lucas to undergo surgery. Then when he had neonatal pneumonia, she said some babies would just turn blue! I mean, she didn’t even picked her choice of words and did not even consider that here’s a newbie mom and she’s telling me all horror stories about infants.
Lucas’ admission to the hospital was the very first time I really felt so weak. I couldn’t come with him to the treatment room while the doctor puts IV on him.
Looking back now, I regret being weak because his need for me to be beside him that time is far greater than my fear of seeing him in pain. It was the longest week of my life and everyday I was praying that the treatment would be over and we can go home to my Mama’s house in Cavite while he recuperates and while I recuperate as well.
Praning moment #4 came when he started coughing again and his doctor was nowhere to be found. That was when I finally decided to change pedia’s. It turned out that his cough was nothing to be worried about.
So how did I overcome being a praning mom? The new pedia helped me. Dr. Vienne Saulog was very supportive of my worries and paranoia. She was just as patient listeningto me as she was when checking Lucas. She assured me every time we visit her that Lucas is a well baby and is growing up healthy. During our first few visits to her she would even ask me if I have questions and of course I do. I listed them down before going to the clinic. And slowly, I became more relaxed and less panicky. Except for the recent viral infection, I am proud to say that I overcame my fear of everything for my child. And Lucas IS growing up to be a smart, healthy, curious boy.
I intended to share this story a long time ago. Reading blogs helped me overcome my fears, and even led me to Doc Vienne. I would like to tell other Praning Moms to know that it’s ok to worry about your babies especially if it is your first time to become a mom. It’s perfectly normal. I’d like to share with you the biggest learning I had from my experience:
- Rest assured that there is that someone who will be your life support during worrisome times.
- Seek help if you cannot handle your emotions anymore. Learn how to trust.
- Be there for your child. You are his/her greatest source of comfort.
- Read ans learn tips about parenthood.
- You are not the only person who feels that way, being praning. There are other mommies all over the world experiencing the same thing.
- Find your greatest source of comfort.
- Your worries will pass.
I still have fears. I still worry about a lot of things. I am still suscpeptible to praning-ness, but I don’t fret. I know I will learn from the and become a better mom. 🙂
To all supermoms both praning and not, belated Happy Mother’s day!Hats off to you!