I finally had the time to blog! I welcome myself to the blogosphere again!
It’s been 23 days since I gave birth to Marcus and it’s on times like these when I am able to type away my thoughts. The truth is, I have a lot of posts in my drafts folder already. The only time I am able to do is when I wake up at 5AM after feeding Marcus or when the kids are asleep. I’d like to take this free time to share how life as a mom of two has been like 🙂
It’s not all hearts and flowers I tell you.
I mean, the family is crazier than ever!
Of course I expected the sleepless nights in the next six months and Mike and I had an agreement on how our set up will be like when Marcus arrives. I’ll be focused on him, while he is focused on Lucas because we were also expecting some jealousy from the new big bro. While we have introduced the idea of him being a big brother as soon as we found out that we’re having baby number 2, we still didn’t know how he would react when he sees Marcus for the first time, or when he sees his brother latched on to me 24/7.
Then the yaya left all of a sudden one week before I gave birth! Just when we told her that I can give birth any time! She has been with us for four years then ran off with some guy. I know she’s helped us so much in the past but I can’t help but feel hurt and angry that she left us just like that. I am still upset that even if we still need a yaya to look after Lucas, I told myself she will be my last option. Sorry about the rant but part of the plan was for her to help me with Lucas when Marcus arrives. That plan disintegrated in just one day. Thank God for moms who are willing to help and support their daughters and help look after the grandkids.
I also forgot the part where Mike’s Paternity Leave will only allow him to be home for JUST seven working days. I’ve gotten used to him being home because of the long holidays and weekends since December that I totally forgot how our set-up will be like once he goes back to work. He is my partner in taking care of the kids now especially with an active preschooler around. I failed to plan how it will be like when I am left with the two boys.
I feel I am doing a better job taking care of an infant this time around because I am more relaxed, I have less anxiety and hey, I breastfeed this time around. I am also guilty of not being able to give Lucas the time he needs from me. Even if I spend time playing with him, I somehow feel guilty that I have to leave him playing alone because it’s feeding time for his little brother. I think he is already feeling a little jealous of Marcus because he’s trying to get my attention by being loud or naughty. I am not using my lack of rest as an excuse but sometimes I lose my temper to Lucas and putting him to time out seems to be the easiest way to handle his situation. What I love about him though is he does not vent his jealousy to his little brother. He loves him. He calls me immediately when Marcus cries and he likes looking at him. Yeah, that puts more guilt on me.
This is the new norm in our family. It’s crazier, more tiring, noisier…but I am so in love with it. I love that I get to wake up with 2 little boys and a husband who is just as spent as I am. It reminds me that our little family is growing.
I love feeding an infant (not from a bottle) every two hours and cringing with pain every time he latches on and changing a soiled nappy right after I just changed it. Well, ok, the latter drives me nuts. It tells me , though, how I can nurture a small, helpless baby and how much love I have for him.
I don’t mind the mess in our room or the whole house or the fact that I can’t take a nap during the day because Kuya keeps on asking me to print worksheets, or build his race track with him. I fall in love with him and his big smile and loud laughter when we play together.
I love seeing my husband giving Lucas a bath or changing Marcus; nappy or driving us to the clinic for check up even if he is dead-tired from work. I can see his love for his children and for me.
I don’t mind not being able to clean the house because it means I am spending my time more on the important tasks and people in my life now. Anyway, I’d like to call this “mess” organized chaos :p
So how’s life now with the new baby? It’s not all hearts and flowers but it has never been better. 🙂